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An important part of a wedding are the speeches. I would certainly not advocate copying a ready made speech from the internet.

The best-man was selected because of the personal relationship he has with the groom and the more personal the speech, the better. However some humour in a wedding speech will really spice it up. So here are some easy quotes to add in any wedding speech to add some laughter between more personal anecdotes.

Of course this is a selection of one-liners: don’t use all of them or your best-man wedding speech will look like a poor stand-up comedy!

The first sentences of the best-man’s wedding speech

If you’re really brave and don’t mind diving right in:

As this is my first time being best man, I was a little worried as to how long the speech should go on for. I asked around and the accepted norm seemed to be that it should go on for as long as it takes the groom to make love to his wife on their wedding night…. So on that note ladies and gentlemen, thanks very much, you’ve been a great crowd. (sit down for a few seconds before standing up again and starting the real speech)

Hi, Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen - For those of you who don”t know me my name is (name) and I’m (groom)’s best man. Well, I’m the best he could get or who would agree to do it.

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - Let me first say that the bridesmaids look absolutely smashing today, and only rightly outshone by our bride, (bride). And, I’m sure you’ll agree with me gentlemen, today is a sad day for single men, as another beauty leaves the available list. And ladies, I’m sure you’ll agree that today passes by without much of a ripple.

When (groom) asked me to be his best man I was obviously very flattered. But then I realised I would have to give a speech, and that at some point during it I would have to say something nice about (groom). The problem is I’ve had very little experience of doing either, so please bear with me.

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is (name) and for those of you that do … well I apologise.

On behalf of the bridesmaids and myself, I’d like to thank (bride and groom) for asking us to be involved in their unique and special day. I know they’ve both put a tremendous amount of effort in to the planning of this wedding, especially (bride), and I can only hope that, apart from this speech, everything else will have exceeded their expectations.

Now I did ask for a microphone but was told one wasn’t available. So if you can’t hear me at the back, the silence from the people at the front should re-assure you that you’re not missing out on anything.

I can only say in my defence that (groom) and I share a common sense of humour so if this speech is in anyway unfunny please “Feel Free to Blame (groom).”

The first thing a best man is supposed to do in his speech is let everybody from the bride’s side know what sort of man (bride) has married.
Ok here goes (groom) is caring, loving – funny, charming, generous, successful, suave… (pause and show your wedding speech to the groom) Suave ??… sorry mate, I don’t think that’s how you spell suave. Well you get the idea ….. he’s a decent bloke.

For what seems to be the tenth time today I find my self rising from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.

I am not renowned for my speech writing, But I’ll try my best, because (groom) said if I do a good job today, I can be Best Man at his next wedding, too.

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is (name) and for those of you that do … well I apologise. My full name is actually Blaise-would-you-like-a-drink’ For those of you who I meet in the bar later, I’d appreciate it if you could use my full name. [pause]

Towards the beginning of the speech: Before I begin (bride) would you place your right hand on the table, (groom) would you place your left on top of Helens. All will be revealed in good time.

At the end of the speech: Now in case any of you are wondering why I asked (groom) to place his hand on (bride). I will tell you now, (groom) as my final role, it is with great pleasure that I have been able to give you the last 10 minutes in which you have had the upper hand on (bride). It will almost certainly be the last.

The core of the best man’s wedding speech

As well as the speech, it would seem that there were three main roles that I had to fulfil as a best man.

• The first was to get him there on time by making sure he got a good nights sleep before the wedding. Well, I can assure you he slept like a baby – he wet the bed twice and woke up every hour crying for his mum.
• The second was to get him here looking presentable with his face and hair in good order. Unfortunately, God didn’t get this right first time round so what chance did I have?
• Finally, I was to ensure that no angry ex-girlfriends showed up impromptu to spoil the ceremony. Thankfully this wasn’t a problem as the recent outbreak of foot and mouth saw most of them either quarantined or shot and burned a couple of years ago.

So what can I say about him?

• He’s handsome
• Successful
• Witty
• Intelligent
• Flash
• Charming
• Er..Er…

Sorry (groom), what’s that say, I can’t read your handwriting. Oh, yeah
fantastic in bed, sorry.

The only problem we’ve seen so far is that (groom) and (bride) had a bit of an issue with the seating plan, because they really couldn’t decide where everyone should sit. So (groom), in his true fashion, decided to link it to the wedding present list He decided to put those who brought the biggest items nearest the front, and work back from there…
So (pause and look around at the back ) (groom) and (bride) wanted to say thanks for the oven glove!

I discovered that according to tradition during this speech I am supposed to SING the groom praises and tell you all about his many good points. Well, I’m very sorry but I CAN’T SING, and I WON’T LIE.
(bride) is a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God you married her before she found one!

I do have the following words of wisdom for the happy couple:

Firstly, set the ground rules and establish who is the boss: then do everything (bride) says.

• Always remember to tell your wife those three important little words [pause] ‘You’re right dear’.
• (bride): a husband is like a tiled floor (pause) lay it right first time and you can spend years walking all over it.
• A happy marriage is a matter of give and take the husband gives and the wife takes.

(groom), you are a lucky man you”ve got (bride). She’’s beautiful, smart, funny, warm, loving and caring. And (bride), you”ve got….. (groom)….

They say that the best mans speech is the worst 5 minutes of the grooms day, but fortunately for you (groom) it’s almost over. Unfortunately, (bride), your worst five minutes will probably come later tonight.

Some serious endings:

May your love be modern enough to service the times and old fashioned enough to last forever.

Here’s to love, laughter

and happily ever after

as (bridge and groom) start their new life

please stand and toast the new husband and wife